Someday

Is it silly to weep over this? To wonder if I missed my chance? To dream of finding some connection like this, even now?

But I'm not unhappy alone...  I'm not. I don't want to be tied down, to compromise, make room for and be flexible with... I don't want to share my space, my kids, my life... But still, it's human nature to want love, connection, to want to find that perfect soul mate who just "gets" you without trying.  Or maybe it's just MY nature to want that.

This Jess Penner song is the theme to the wedding video of a friend of mine who married for the second time at age 40.  She is crazy cornball goofy in love with a man who is crazy cornball goofy in love with her. They were together long enough to maturely decide that this marriage thing was exactly right for them. They are smart, intelligent, thoughtful people.  But also total goofy cornballs.  Their life is by no means easy - a blended family with teens, jobs, sports, their own individual jobs and extra curricular activities... but there is such respect and support for each other, such joyful accommodation of each others whims, such genuine interest in each other, that it stings a little, this emptiness of mine.

I wish them so much joy.  I know they deserve it.  Can I wish joy for myself as well?