A Day Off

Cut yourself some slack, they say.
Give yourself a break, they say.

So today I had cake for breakfast.

And I made the baby laugh so hard that he fell down right on his padded little bottom. And then I laughed right along with him, both of us laying on the floor giggling to each other.  There is incredible peace when you look deep in the eyes of a laughing baby.  I think I saw a glimpse of God.

For the first time ever, I "smudged" my house.

And myself.

I breathed in the smoky trails of sage and thought about peace, and safety, and protection.  I breathed out that peace too.  I wafted the sweet smoke over the living room where we gather to play, onto the dishes we eat from, over my son's bed where he sleeps and grows and dreams, and all around the door so that peace will wash over those who enter, and those who leave.  I gave myself a break.

And I cut myself some slack, refusing to feel guilty for still being in my pajamas at lunchtime.

But I also got some clutter cleared.  Papers filed, phone calls made, appointments set.  And it felt... peaceful.

For this moment, I refuse to feel pain.  I will not acknowledge sorrow, frustration, loss, grief, anger, or self loathing for this moment in time.  Maybe it will be just one moment, maybe a whole hour.  Maybe I can get the whole day in... but I won't worry about that right now.

For now, I will just focus on these single moments of laughing into my baby's eyes, breathing in smoky sage, the taste of frosting on my tongue, and the feeling of power in taking a day off from everything else.