Men, Men, Menly Men

I make poor choices in men.

From my 8th grade boyfriend Billy (who was older and already in high school and who wanted way more than a 13 yr old was ready to give) to the man I met when I was 38, newly divorced and as raw as a 13 yr old... I make poor choices.

A stalked me and my girlfriends one christmas vacation when we went caroling, sneaking around behind us and noting details to share with me afterward to prove he'd done it.  Ahhhh, Jr. High.

B had a juvenile criminal record,  Oh, High School.

C had a girlfriend back home.  Hello College.

D hid debt and despair under credit cards and fast cars.  Welcome to adulthood.

E forgot to mention that he wasn't actually divorced... or that he had a son.  And here we go, grownup style!

F couldn't separate love from control; power and shame from attraction and commitment...but he hid it well for 14 years of marriage.  Oh, wait, THIS is "grown up style"... ok... gotcha.

G made believe that a pierced penis and a job as a correctional officer was the same thing as "strong" and "safe" and "brave" and "authentic".  Steve was wrong.

and H? H convinced himself that love and control were the same... that attraction and attachment were equal to love and commitment: and he nearly convinced a 38 year old divorcee that it was so. Ahhh, this is life!  The learning of your own infallibility and how you play out your own mistakes time and time again until you LEARN something.

ouch.

I will rewrite my own story though, and I will write about my discernment, my patience, my authenticity and transparency.  I will write of my open and welcoming spirit that does not long for whats missing but that waits for something more to add to an already peaceful perfect life.  I will write of confidence, of humor, of acceptance and joy.  And I will write of men.  Of Menly Men.  Of MY men...and of my good choices.