Begin again

and so we begin again
dancing around the sharp pieces
of fallen stars
in bare feet -
because wearing shoes is too easy
and people like us?
we do things the hard way
over and over again
starting
stopping
and then we begin again

I dance -
the jagged self conscious movements
of someone who does not know what dancing is
step here, hands there, awkward, stiff, wrong...

you dance along -
your shadow over all the shattered stars so I don't see them -
trying to mimic me
because you can't stand to be looked at
singly
alone
in your own light
but your movements are out of rhythm
off beat
a step behind here, a step ahead there,
a left instead of a right, and what we create is ugliness.

and so we stop
and breathe heavily
tired
so tired
and stare at each other with eyes swollen by feelings we can't let go of.

and then we begin again
dancing around all the shattered pieces of this mess we've made
by ourselves
no one else to blame
and neither of us able to finish the hard work of cleaning up -

I pick up some bits and flotsam of brokenness
and you scoot some under the rug
I try to carry the largest bits, but I drop them with bloody hands,
you point
you laugh
you kick some of the brokenness toward me
shaking your head
and walking away
walking away
walking away

and I begin to dance again
in the middle of shattered bits of fallen stars
and find they sparkle a little still
without your shadow