Escape

I run
I escape
I slide and slither and wiggle and writhe
away

I choose now to sit stiffly
in the chair
instead of cozily on the couch
because that way you can't sit next to me
and touch me

I go to bed early
and earlier
and earlier
to escape my way
into sleep
and avoid you

I arise
earlier
and earlier

to hide

to be "busy"

I get up and wash dishes
just to get up
away
out of arms reach

I try to have something in my hands
all the time now
or occupy my whole self
with a task
so I am too busy to stop
and be mauled
by you

I grimace
and clench my teeth
when you hug me

I know because
someone told me so
pointed it out
and asked what was wrong
I try to control my face
but it shows my heart

How do you continue
to ignore
my eye rolls
clenched jaw
turned away face
my crossed arms
my sudden leaping up
and away
my turning over
my avoidance
How is it not killing you?

It's killing me