Milestones

I know I have bad breath - I just slammed a cup of coffee after eating a handful of veggie chips and I reach for a peice of gum so that when I start yelling at him, face to face, he won't be blasted away by my coffee-and-chip breath.  Then I stop.  He deserves to be blasted by my nasty coffee-and-chip breath, I think to myself.  And with a little self satisfied smirk, I grab my keys and head for the door, leaving my gum behind.

When he pulls up in the parking lot, I am ready.  I have my words all rehearsed and ready to go.  Words fly around my brain like little springtime gnats: Respect, Honor, Responsible, Disappointed,  Do What You Say, Communication... but all the words fly away from me as I see him step from the car.

He is so tall now.  He topped 6 feet a few months ago, and while he is still lanky, long-limbed and narrow in the shoulders, his face is getting stronger, his arms fuller, his facial hair defined, even the hair on his arms seems more manly now.  This son of mine, so amazing to my eyes, so joyful to my heart, how can I be so angry at this miracle of mine?

He has a stubborn set to his jaw, I know he too is angry, annoyed, irritated, whatever it is that teenagers  feel when confronted with parents and rules and boundaries. I look at that face with it's newly defined jaw and cheekbones, the smooth skin where he has obviously just shaved (like I told him to via text message) and I remember the sweet pink roundness of him at 4 - his eyes so huge and brown with those thick long lashes that only boys get.  His eyes are the same and I soften a little.

I hug him and he tolerantly pats my shoulder.  I am not a big person, I come barely to his chest and when he is in a teasing mood he wraps his arms around my head and buries my face in his armpit. Not this time though.  This time I get that tolerant shoulder pat.  I look up, up, up at him and I say, with all seriousness, "Come closer, I want you to smell my breath!"

As we walk into the store I tell him how I was so mad that I wanted him to have to deal with the yelling, the lecture, AND the bad breath and by now we are both laughing a bit.  He apologizes and I say, "Well, that's nice, but I still get to yell at you later ok?" He says, "I know, I know!" and we go about the business of getting him employed.

Another milestone for him is right under his feet.  Like always, from the day he took his first steps, I am there beside him to encourage him, cheer him on, and catch him if he falls.